Cuz Im Stoopit!!

being stupid

Cuz I’m Stoopit by Doug McColl, December 10, 2022
I used to think I had the corner on stupidity. But as I get older and even stupider, I have started to notice that the world is catching up with me.

Where I used to feel alone in my stupidity, I am now finding a great big stupid community of people even stupider than me as they assimilate into the big stupid world that is just sort of forming out of the blew…or is it blow?! (The answer, my friend is blo…)


Anyway althohg you think I’m not as stupider as you think I am sometimes my werds don’t even make scents! My teacher told me my writing stinks AAMOF! (I make that up (MTU) as a matter of fact) and she told me that I suck as well but I told her, “only threw staws yaloozer!)….oh so ware wuz I now (oh..overdoin it)…Oh ya and about straws…

These new paper straws…WTF! they are permeable membranes and when they get wet they don’t do justice to the suckin power one must muster to get the juices flowin if you can dig it. Well if you have to dig it you likely can’t scuk it, is what my dad used to say.

And then there’s the new steel straws. Break your teeth why don’t you! For example: Yer walking along suckin your smootie as you misjudge the height of that curb and then $900 of dental work and jaw surgery later, you HAVE to drink and eat from a straw for the next 4 weeks (at week 5 you are allowed to spoon yourself pudding, but I like pudding so you’d here no complaints hear! LMFAO. )

Anyways dentist likenly invented steel straws in collaboaration with Big-Pudding.

Oh I forgot, this is about studip sin’t it!! Off track again! Well, honestly is the best policly so now taht I’ve just enlightened you…you just relax and leave all the smart stuff to the few reamaining smart people out there and join the exponentially growing stupid community!! Strength in math!!!

ARRRRRR! Hay!… Let’s Go!! ARRRRR! Hay!…Let’s Go!!! (this is the beggining of a new stoopid cheer i’m thinking up….I challenge you to finish it, or use it as is and come up with a cheer-dance thing, video it and post it!!! Don’t forget to make it real stoopid, be stoopid and mention it all started here! thanks, Doug

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Dreams and providence… the more, the merrier!

I am an expert on dreams. I say this with conviction because I have had so many, and have made many come true. My favourite thought is “someday I am going to…”, and then finish the statement with a glorious idea that resonates inside my heart. Heart, that’s right, dreams are manifestations of love and gifts of the soul. The resonance is what is important because providence, if you are lucky, will tune into this and help out!
“What then”, you ask, “does an old Chevy Suburban with a flame-emblazoned paint-job have to do with having or realizing a dream?”.


The answer is….everything! This romantic idea, albeit, silly and plain to some, started out as a dream. As a kid I dreamed of having a car with a hot-rod paint job but as time went by the dream lay somewhat dormant, almost forgotten until two decades later, with kids of my own, I bought this old Suburban and then like lightning in the night that old dream flashed into my eyes and I knew it was time to capitalize on it.
I asked my young boys, all under 7 years of age if they thought the Suburban needed zebra stripes or a flaming, hot-rod-style paint job! Obviously they choose the latter and with a bit of paint, masking tape and an artistic flourish, voila! the deed was done and the dream was fulfilled and made more impact than my 8 year old self could have imagined. The only people more surprised were the neighbours who were carefully watching what the weirdo on Empress Ave was up as he sanded, masked and painted his masterpeice in the driveway!


I was proud of that car and I was giddy (still) that I had revived this old, romantic, childhood dream, as mundane as it was and so simple to accomplish. My wife has memories of it now too, because it was her grocery-getter and errand runner with the kids and I don’t want to brag, but it backfired every now and then (as if it needed extra attention) like the car in the movie “Uncle Buck”. Its been years since the “Burbanator” took our family on adventures, but its legend and story live on.
The point is: I have many dreams, a bundle, a lot, and it’s fun to have them. To come up with them and to capitalize on them when the time is right takes surprisingly little effort. The time will not come for every dream, but for some, it will. The odds are in your favour if you have a lot. Taking time to share and celebrate a dream when it is within tasting range makes it all the sweeter and spreads the wealth of its bounty.


Dreams can be as simple and intimate or as huge and complicated as one can imagine, but what they must have in common is a resonance in the heart. The secret is to have lots and to celebrate the ones that come true, big or small. Sharing them is sharing your heart and keeps you on the path of love, within the reach of providence.


Being fixated on achieving a big end-all and be-all type of dream that takes the focus off the little things in life is a big gamble…you may not realize that big dream and be left with regret and bitter emptiness.


When I’m working up to some really big dream, I’m sure to pad it up a bit with lots of romantic, satisfying little dreams, or better yet to resurrect some from my childhood and let providence take on some of the work. My satisfaction in life need not be tied to any one dream, whatsoever, and neither should yours.

Dream big, dream small, but dream with your heart and dream lots.

Doug McColl BA, BEd, Env. Science
-Nature and forest therapy guide, environmental educator, artist, performer. event creator, builder and facilitator. Mark Twain fan. But mostly: thinker, dreamer, warrior, champion of life, friend, father and husband.
Published • 1y

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Wanted: Smiling Automatons!!

Future of Humanity

Being a good, orderly automaton is very important to success these days. If you have too many archaic human qualities like empathy, skepticism or passion here are some things you can do to fit in better and get along in the world:

  1. Express your feelings as little as possible or preferably, try not to feel things. If that doesn’t work there is counselling and many drugs your doctor can prescribe (red is best).
  2. Invest in expensive technology and then believe and embrace that you’ll only need more of it to survive in this world we live in. Become absorbed, addicted to and ruled by it!! With it, you are free to express feelings, true or false and no-one will really care or will they…but if it bothers you and you get emotional refer to #1 above.
  3. Put on a smile!!! Even if things are shit, let on that there is no such thing as shit!! You wouldn’t want other smiling people to wonder what is wrong with you, would you? So let a smile be your shit umbrella; just put a clothespin on your nose so you don’t notice the smell! If you become paranoid that other people might see through your mask and this causes you anxiety just refer to #1 above.
  4. Don’t try to change things; it gives the impression that you have noticed flaws when you should be focussed on the positive…come on!! YOU KNOW BETTER! When you notice flaws you are dissing all the people who have made things as great as they now are for everyone.
  5. Recreate simple technologies that once worked to become inefficient or ineffective! For instance, make a dishwasher that won’t hold plates properly or a toaster in which bread won’t fit! If you can achieve this…GOOD ON YA!! You have just made the high-tech appear less dysfunctional.
  6. Don’t complain. Refer to # 3 and 4 for the reasons. And if it you get upset because you don’t feel heard refer to #1.

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October 18, 2022 · 1:35 am

Beltin It Out for the Greenbelt!!

Help me, or let me help and work with you to create this community oriented, musical event with a message of protecting and preserving the ecological and agricultural integrity of Ontario’s Greenbelt!

To Support a Community that wants to Preserve and Protect the Greenbelt

Last month I thought someone should do something to protect the Greenbelt because the Ontario government seemed determined to develop it! This ecologically important area has protected natural areas of forest and wetlands and is the headwater area for major river systems that drain into Lake Ontario. It also has some of Ontario’s, sorry Canada’s best farmland and is a very important food producing region, providing local food security and preserving a way of life that is all about food security and a sustainable local economy!!

My idea is to create a one day musical event, or call it a festival because there will be festivities organized in which attendees can interact and feel a sense of being part of the message of the event. Envisioned as an outdoor venue situated in the Greenbelt area, it would be best to have a location that already has a stage, perhaps a grandstand and possibly some indoor areas in case of inclement weather. There would also be room for food trucks, local vendors with produce and crafts, merchandising tables and an open stage for people to participate in. I have ideas for a couple interactive art and communication activities that can be facilitated to produce a compelling message that can be delivered where it needs to go after the event…and photographed and posted to social media as it evolves during the event!

The main show would kick off at 2pm with a couple opening acts and an show opening headliner and then we’d break for dinner about 4:30 and resume the open stage, art activity etc like in afternoon, autographs, and then at 7 or 7:30 the evening opener performs followed by the show closing headliner….and dun dun dun…a surprise (can’t say what it is of course, its a surprise!)

For that past few weeks, I’ve been calling, leaving e-mails and reaching out….waaaaay out and going like a one-armed paper hanger, trying to get some kindred spirits on board to make a team with me or take me on to produce this event as part of an existing spring or summer festival. I am good at facilitating and logistics but know nothing about getting this going except that the first thing I need is a venue and some sponsors so I can have a place and money to get things progressing. The bands will be whoever we can align with the date that the venue is available. I need help, a mentor/helper and preferably someone on another festival board who sees this and wants to help me out and create something super empowering for the people who care about this issue!

Thanks to anyone with ideas, contacts and especially those who want this to happen and would help with collaboration on or with an existing festival that already has access to a venue and the other pieces in place to help this happen this spring or early summer!!!

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February 9, 2023 · 4:22 am

Do The “COVID HUNKER”!! C’mon people get DOWN (as in hunker) and boogie or is it doody or duty?

Gettin into the Covid Hunker Position…think of the possibilities (works best when wearing the new Covid Mover Hat…see bottom of post!)

The following is reposted here from a post I made on Facebook on Jan. 5, 2022…ENJOY!!

The “they” has made it known that the next BIG COVID BOOGEYMAN is coming!!!!! OHHHHH and its going to be scarier than EVERRRRRR!!! Run and hide people. Mask up and HUNKER DOWN. Wait, don’t just mask up, make sure its an N-95, maybe even a 96 or 7…oh hell, and wear 3 of them, and make sure you get the next “booster” and a couple more to boot…just in case…you understand…right? After all “they” studied the “science” and researched it for TEN FRIGGIN YEARS so of course it is perfectly good for you! The more the merrier, is what I always say. If one is good take 2 or 4 or 10 for that matter! (slip the jabber a crispy 50 and maybe they’ll give you two at once! Thank goodness “they” didn’t only study it for 9 years before experimen,,,er, ah, jabbing the population. Actually, that Dr. Malone guy studied it too but don’t listen to him, even if he is a pioneer of mNRA researcher and has been cited in a few academic papers. I almost forgot about the HUNKERING DOWN. When I say that, I mean you need to hunker ALL THE WAY DOWN. That’s what the “they” are recommending now isn’t it. Its all the rage in Europe. In case you haven’t seen them doing the “all the way down” hunker, here are my “how to” instructions. Imagine being severely constipated; you shut yourself into the lavatory and take the only seat in the house and just sit there as long as you can until its over…and this too shall pass (LOL get it? …shall pass ha ha ha! Covid will pass like a turd McNugget after a long hunkering down!!!..then come out and life will be better!)
If you are still not confident I have a secret weapon to help you win this war. It was invented in 1947 and they called it the propeller beanie cap. People back then didn’t realize its potential; yes, I have done some research that proves that the little propeller could move virus particles in the air away from the person wearing it! Zippadee Do Dah! Contact me if you’d like to buy one from me…or I may host a workshop online so you can make your own Covid Mover Propeller Beanie. I’m calling it the “Covid Mover” and I’m pretending that it is pending the patent pending process. Big pharma will likely beat me to the patent office on this…but this is your opportunity to buy a pre-big pharma, original, collectors edition. Like the words of Big Media, it is probable that it has the potential to possibly increase in value to the point where it could be worth considerably more at some time in the near future (listen for this ambiguous wording in covid forecasts, etc, LOL! Not kidding; I hear this all the time when health “experts” in the media or in political press releases talk about what “could happen”) Also listen to the “war” terminology used by politicians and their health experts when talking about covid. “War” is used as a universal metaphor to instill fear. Why instill fear? Well, it sells propeller beanies!!

PS: depending on what happens when you hunker down it will also move that air and let’s not talk about particles here. Oh!! Sorry!! Its dinner time.

Scientific All Purpose Safety Hat…Rebranded as “Covid Mover” !! STAY SAFE.
Works best when in hunker position. Talk to your doctor about it.

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McDonalds! You saved me some money!

Oh, I know I will miss it. I might even pop in once in a while for the nostalgia; whose to say!? And I know this might sound like a 1st World problem (d’ya think?) but my Micky-Dees, cranberry orange muffin just isn’t what it used to be. So what, right?

Well, it all started back around 2006 or ’07; anyway it was a long time ago. Country Style Donuts, my favorite and regular-stop, coffee shop, went out of business in my town. Tim Hortons, wasn’t a replacement option for me because their coffee made my stomach burn and left a skunky aftertaste in my mouth. It was time for me to face the truth…I would have to give up coffee. BUT WAIT! I remember seeing some bloke, not long ago, sipping from a McDonald’s coffee cup. Hmm…mmm…

I said to myself, “why not! Let’s do this thing!”

So I set out for the golden arches, I got up my nerve, climbed the steps to the entrance, pulled open the door and strode purposefully to the counter, hoisted a dollar and twenty-five cents from my trousers pocket (a loonie and a “special” Alberta quarter), and casually articulated, “One medium coffee please…oh…double cream.”

As I recall, the lady at the counter was about to hand me my change when I told her, “no, you go ahead and keep it.” But she informed me that there was “no tipping at McDonalds”, and she handed me a nickel. This was going better than I expected, but the moment of truth loomed and I had to know. I punched the tab on the lid and took a swig..wait a minute! hold the phone…something went ZING and I thought OMG, where have you been all my life!!

As I was about to leave, I noticed something called a Cinnamon Melt, sitting behind the glass display. “Next time”, I told myself, “good things come to those who wait”.

Next day I left McDee’s with coffee and a Cinnamon Melt. Life was good. This little scenario continued a couple times a week for a couple years. Then, I saw the muffins. One of them was cranberry orange. Oh, how I love cranberries and oranges baked into things. It did not disappoint! And so the story went. I hardly ever thought about Country Style, anymore, except when I bought gas, because the lady at the Canadian Tire gas bar, used to work there. But that’s besides the point. The point is I looked forward to my Micks and soon everyone in town knew that I was a regular there. It put a little swagger in my step to know that. Sometimes an acquaintance would yell across the street…”Hey McColl! ‘you goin’ to McD!@#$ today?”, and I would just smile and nod.

Plot twist. Recently, McDonalds changed the muffin. Its sticky and softer with rocks of sugar on top. It also tastes different, and when I add it all up…I am disappointed. If they hadn’t gotten rid of Cinnamon Melts, I would just switch back to the them. I have given the “new” muffins a fair shake for the last while, hoping they would grow on me…but they haven’t. Its the classic case of someone in the corporation erroneously thinking that it was time to change things up. And in their haste to fix a muffin that wasn’t broken…they broke me. I have been feeling slightly sad about this. Then I started brewing and bringing my own coffee from home.

As I was toting my enormous thermos of home-brew today, I thought about how much money I was saving! About $7.50 a week ($2.50 x 3 visits a week). Over 50 weeks in a year that is $375 bucks! My home brew and wife’s cookies costs about a dollar a week…so my net savings is $325 a year.

I will miss my old muffins, and who knows what I will do if they bring back Cinnamon Melts, but for now I will just reminisce and think of the money McDonalds is saving me. So thanks McDonalds, for the memories of friendly staff, great in-store customer service, your coffee and former muffins, and for helping me save money.

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Try This! I LIKE IT! And so might you!

by Doug McColl, May 8, 2020

I like a lot of things. There are a lot of things that I dislike too. I could sit around and ruminate on all the things I dislike; the things I despise and that really bug me about certain things and people and the world. After a short while, this would get me angry, negative and feeling sorry for myself and my misfortune of having to share space with such things on this planet. Woa! As I wrote that I could feel myself ramping into a rageful rant (no alliteration intended). OK. On the other hand, as I sit here, I could easily think of things that I like. Some are memories of people, places and experiences. Some are things currently around me that I can sense…and sometimes just letting myself think or dream about all the good possibilities is something very satisfying and likeable! There are soo many things things that I like…well to be honest it kind of overwhelms me…in a good way of course. In fact, it just might float my boat and you could make your “likes”, float yours!

Being human is tough. Our senses take in all there is around us and it’s impossible to filter out everything we don’t like (there’s that frigging neighbours dog howling again when I’m trying to think!). The same senses also let in the beauty that stirs our souls and inspires beautiful, creative thoughts. If we try, we could fill a day with little, “I like it” moments, and harness this uplifting power. Therefore, if we can remind ourselves everyday of what we want to invest our thoughts in, we can like our human experience more!

Here is how I experience a better world and better life: I tune my eyes, ears, nose, taste-buds and hands like an antenna to the frequency of the things I like. And then, BAM, when one of those “likes” hits me…I can instantly “pick it up” , reflect on it (damn… that’s good!) and add it to my overwhelming list of things that I like. Every little “like” has a role to play. I am not just looking for examples of earth-shattering awesomeness, in fact most seem quaint and would likely be considered unremarkable to many people. But then, these people would be missing the icing on the cake, the spice of life, the buoyant feeling that comes with the realization that we are floating on an ocean of many things that we like!

Here are examples of, “I LIKE IT” moments, from a two minute period upon waking in the morning:

*I like the feeling when I yawn (think about yawning…awesome eh?)
*I like the way my head feels cradled by this soft pillow
*The warmth under these covers feels gooooood, mmmm I like it.
*Now for a stretch, but first I will anticipate how good it will feel…I like the anticipation, say what?
*And now the stretch, OMG another yawn too (WTF where’s that from? its like a 2-4-1 like moment!!)
*I like how the sun makes the frost on the window sparkle (verges on earth-shattering)
*mmmMMaking caaahhffee sooooon, mmmm, the aroma of fresh grinds, brewing, my beautiful coffee maker…soooo good to me. OH NO so many things to like, I can hardly stop! (busted… I’m a caffeine addict)

It also helps while experiencing an “I like it” moment by consciously, characterizing it with positive comforting words. Relate likes to other likes and positive connections that will give it strength and support (like growing peas and planting sunflowers to hold them up). Notice how my soft pillow cradled my head. It sounds like my pillow was really taking care of me…and of course…it was.

At the end of the day it feels good to know that we are being taken care of in a world where we are surrounded by things that we like. I didn’t even mention love. Like is OK. I love to like and I like to love. Each is reciprocated in the other. We can find plenty of what we don’t like, and sometimes it finds us, but if we are prepared it will be easier to let them go, to take away their power to push us to negativity because we will be busy being filled up by the constant, flowing interruptions of what we like. Try it!

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Corona Vacation, Morphing into Easter Festivities! (update to earlier Corona Vacay post)

Well, what day is it now? This is the new feeling everyday. Well, actually its not the feeling anymore because I have stopped wondering and don’t feel like I need to know what day it is. Its more important to know what the weather will do and how much food or toilet paper is still in the house. Anyway below are some of my recent highlights during my Justin Trudeau financed Corona Stay-cation (I’m not talking about a stationary molecule which has lost an electron for the science nerds out there…that would be a cation which was chilled to Absolute 0, which arguably could also be called a Stay-cation, but I’m referring to a vacation while staying at home). I’m losin it. Where was I? Oh yea the highlights below:

  1. Photographing ice. undefined I became interested in ice and the way it reflects and bends light, in its morphology and its changes over time. The featured image for this article is the feathery looking ice I photographed on the wood siding of my house a few weeks ago. Feathery looking ice is called “Rime Ice” and if you click here you can learn and see more about it..

2. Finished the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. What a great read! If you haven’t done it; do it. Especially if you have a youngster to read it with; Age 8 and up I would recommend. There is an opportunity to talk about, racism, slavery, history, empathy and taking a stand for what is right. The adventure and friendships in this book beautifully frame these important themes in an earthy and enchanting way that touches the soul. Thanks Mark Twain! Next, my daughter and I will watch the movie at some point.

3. Grieving the loss of John Prine. I am a singer/songwriter and I’m proud to share that affliction with John Prine. When I started almost 40 years ago I would perform in public occasionally and people would say to me, “you must like John Prine!” Sadly, I only knew his name and although I had undoubtedly heard a song of his, I would not have known it was him. This continued until 4 years ago when I bought a 1998 Toyota Camry that had only a cassette deck in it. Reluctant to pull out my old cassettes from the 1980’s and to cheap to install a CD player, I embarked on a music gathering adventure to see what good old tapes I could pick up. The result: music became new to me again! I got some gems that I had never owned in any format like The Boss’s Born in the USA, Joni Mitchel’s Ladies of the Canyon and then there was John Prine’s, Lost Dogs and Mixed Blessings. Suddenly I knew what everyone was trying to tell me. What a master! His words and music are just so beautiful and real. I played that tape for 2 months straight and thought that maybe someday I would go see this guy! Well not in this life unfortunately, he died April 7, 2020, just days ago from complications of Caronavirus. RIP Brother.

4. Being inspired and true to myself; Playing guitar and singing, writing, photography, spending time in nature and with my family.

5. Planning the veggie garden and getting the yard cleaned up. Also just removed the last big pile of ice and snow from the front deck! Check this out click here! for some good ideas on raised boxes.

Memeep! Time to go! But I’ll write soon. Stay safe, stay sane…be creative and do cheap stuff for kicks! Listen to music and channel love.

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Curious about the Science of Social Distancing? Read On.

If you care to read some actual science on social distancing and don’t mind using your brain a little to understand the terms and data and interpretation of results, this is a good place to start. We keep hearing in the media, that “experts say…”, well maybe some of us would like to know which experts, and how did they arrive at recommending this.

I did a search of the scholarly papers on studies done related to the epidemiological effects of social distancing on influenza pandemics and this was the best I came up with. Its a good one because it reviews the methods, and conclusions reached by most of the major studies. The overall conclusion of the review supports the current recommendation of social distancing, but it does raise some questions about the relevance and efficacy in our current situation. The references also point to other studies that illuminate/illustrate the effect of other things that can help or hinder influenza pandemics, such as “media fatigue” about peoples reactions to continued media reports over time, to name one. Stay healthy, become enlightened and enjoy:

The following review of the studies and report was done by Faruque Ahmed, Nicole Zviedrite, and Amra Uzicanin click below

Effectiveness of workplace social distancing measures in reducing influenza transmission: a systematic review

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How I Spent My Christma… er… Corona Vacation

OK, so I’m still at home and my Covid 19 vacation has really just started.  I am off work,  “Social Distancing”, from all but the four family members who share our home; but for what its worth, we are social distancing together, for those of you who like oxymorons. (its an oxymoron trifecta) Its March 21 and my Covid 19 “holiday” has just begun. but enough silliness; let me tell you what I’m doing!

  1. Home Harmony. Working at not cramping my wife’s style (AKA not messing up her routine and making her hate me ).  She is a professional, domestic housewife, in her 25th year of homeschooling the kids, running the household finances, cooking, cleaning, shopping ,etc…OMG!! sayin’it makes me realize what a treasure she is.  My heart is filled with gratitude.
  2. Discovering new music . A band I discovered was “Lake Street Dive“. Please click on and listen! If you don’t like stellar vocal chops and musicianship, and NPR tiny desk concerts, well, I’m sorry.  There is likely no help for you.
  3. Cleaning the Garage.  OK.  I’m getting to it…eventually. Oy vey.  Seriously, just think how much happier my wife says I will be when I get the garage cleaned out.  Maybe I can get the car to fit.  Cleaning the garage on March 21; not my idea of Spring joy.
  4. Entering Walt Disney World Sweepstakes on Mousesavers.com. I love daydreaming about winning and going to WDW with the family.  There I am on Space Mountain, The Rockin Rollercoaster, Mission: Space,  I could go on, and I have, I mean literally, I have been on those rides and I’m a Disney Nerd so I want to again.
  5. Firewood! Bought and stacked next years firewood. We’ve heated our house exclusively with a wood stove for 20 years!  Now, year 21 is in the shed! It feels so good to know the family will be warm next winter!
  6. Replaced Licence Plate. Yup, the peeling, defective “B” series.  I waited a while though so I didn’t get them replaced with the blue, plastic, defective Doug Ford plates.  NO, What, Wait!  I didn’t say Doug Ford was defective (or did I?); I meant defective plates associated with Doug’s greatest achievement as Premier of Ontario.  Good one Dougie. Lets try harder at makin’ us Dougs look better.  No wait!, I’m not sayin’…by “look” I don’t mean…Awe nuts I give up!
  7. Reading the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn with my daughter.  There is some bitter reality in it. But the grit of it and the writing and the characters and the story and the colloquial language, it takes us away to a different place and time.  We can hear the paddle wheels thumpin’, feel the hot humid days, see the first light of dawn over the Mississippi and know the thoughts and feelings of Huck; part seeker, part hero, with humanity steeped in depth and goodness from within.  On chapter 24 now.

Well, thats it; nothin fancy. A state imposed “Staycation” if you want. A time to put things in order, appreciate loved ones, take time for things I love: Reading, Music, Dreaming. Oh, I should have added #8: worry about how we’ll …ah…you know, after we run out of toilet paper.

Peace health and happiness. If I’m inspired I’ll give a C-19 Vaycay update in a week or so.

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